90% of the time my thoughts are steeped in training, but occasionally I’ll remember why I am a lover of human behavior and truly crave bizarrity. The following is a simple, yet highly representative example of why I find life so damn amazing.
My dog plowed through her last bit of food this morning, so I drove to PetSmart on my way to lunch. As I scoured the rows for a parking spot, a woman walked by in knee high black boots, a tight black dress and a body any red-blooded male would notice.
After parking I walked inside and, low and behold, there she was . . . looking at bird cages. It wasn’t a blatant red flag, but certainly pink. I went about my business and picked up a fresh bag of fish/rice delight for Mattie, and slung it over my shoulder like a cowboy on my way to the counter.
While suffering through an extended credit card mishap with the person in front of me, I noticed “Ms. Black Boots” standing in line behind me. She had a distant and mysterious look, along with several cans of cat food in her basket. She stared right past me, but was clearly in heavy thought.
She had a bit of a frown, almost a scowl, but then, in an instant, her face contorted into the biggest smile I’d seen all day. It was a startling transformation that came with a tinge of crazy only the creepiest of clown clown could manufacture.
Her arm shot like a laser at the magazines and ripped an issue of “Cat Lover” from the wire rack. Without missing a beat, this enigmatic woman started laughing hysterically and spoke in tongue while I leaned back on my heels looking for hidden cameras.
Then, in a move that may be unprecedented in the arena of public behavior, she starts “meowing” in very quick bursts while looking at the cover.
“Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.”
I inched closer to the door and debated leaving Mattie’s food on the counter, but it was too late. The situation had officially arrived in “Whacksville.”
“Mmmm…. smack smack smack smack…. giggle…. mmm… kiss… kiss….. ohhh….. such a cutie… I love you!”
I’m looking at the cashier and he is completely oblivious to her behavior while waiting for me to pay. I quickly swiped my card and did my best to focus on the transaction, but all I could hear was, “Yummy….sooo cute… mmm… kiss… kiss… kiss…” I couldn’t stomach a look but would not have bet against tongue. She was insatiable.
Much like Bill Murray sauntering away from the destruction in Caddyshack, I abandoned the crime scene and marveled at the blessing I had just witnessed.
Anyway, there must be a lesson here and I am all ears.